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Weathermen suck and know it

October 13, 2004

If there was ever a plague of morons destined to do nothing good with their lives, while at the same time inconveniencing others and refusing to just become politicians, it is weathermen. The only redeeming quality they have is that they give that guy who stands in the bathroom and hands you a paper towel (as you try to avert your eyes and walk in an unpredictable path away from the sink) someone to look down upon.

Their “scientific” guesswork is about as useful as the “system” that your friend has for blackjack that has yielded him with a 43% chance of winning at Atlantic City. Weathermen clearly suck at their jobs. They are just a bunch of scaremongers out to create headlines. They like to make up storms and predict crap like “Oh, its going to be really windy and cars are going to fly through the air and kill you and stuff.” They are hardly ever right, and if most people performed their job as bad as a weatherman, they would be fired immediately.

Weathermen know all of this, which is why they don’t refer to themselves as weathermen, but instead instead use the term “meteorologist” as if the study of meteors has anything to do with weather. (Maybe it does, but I am not going to explore that option, as I am trying to make a point here.) They utilize this alias so that people don’t know what they actually do. When they introduce themselves as a meteorologist, the other party thinks “Hmmm, this guy apparently studies meteors. Since I know nothing about meteors, I’m going to keep my mouth shut, so as not to sound stupid.” If they introduced themselves as weathermen, the other party would instead think “I know who you. You are the guy who is full of crap.”

Why are there different weather stations and different weathermen on different channels? Doesn’t everyone in a general vicinity experience the same weather? Why does the military have their own weather division? Why don’t they just watch the news? Unlike grizzly bear wrestlers, you can be confident that every weatherman you meet is going to be bad at their job. They are all idiots. If you let go of a ball in mid-air, they wouldn’t be able to predict if it were going to fall up or down. I’m surprised that they can even remember that it gets dark every night.

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From → Theories

One Comment
  1. Big Al permalink

    Weathermen in NY peddle drama and fear…a joke.

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