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Q-tip: The new cigarette

July 10, 2006

I noticed the other day as I was reaching into my 500 pack of Q-tip “cotton swabs” that I was using the product for a purpose that wasn’t officially sanctioned by the company…the cleaning of ears. But then I thought…what else would you use a Q-tip for? That’s when it dawned on me that the sneaky executives at the Q-tip company know exactly what they are doing.

Despite the worldwide protest of ear doctors, Q-tips are an easy and popular way to clean your ears. Most professionals will tell you, however, that this is an extremely dangerous practice. How is it then, that the bigwigs at the Q-Tip company can sleep soundly at night without activists beating down their doors?

Sure, Q-tips may have other uses, like arts and crafts, but most people aren’t purchasing 500 in a box to use them as jousting implements for their American Gladiators diorama. They are obviously being bought with an unorthodox purpose in mind, while drug store owners everywhere look the other way.

Just like when Joe Camel subtly marketed cigarettes to minors it is tough to prove these intentions in court. Ear cleaning is the lifeblood of the cotton swab business, and without it this multi-million dollar industry would fall. The government can’t let that happen so they pretend the problem doesn’t exist. While I must say that I’d rather live on the edge and stare deafness in the face than stick a combination of my fingertip and a washcloth into my ear, I just want to make sure that everyone is aware of what is happening here.

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From → Theories

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