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Pirates have perfect eyesight

March 29, 2007

Although a curiously high percentage of pirates have sustained a significant injury to one eye, I have yet to see a pirate that wears glasses. I know a monocle would be more appropriate, although it could prove to be a hindrance during sword fighting or engaging in swashbuckling (I’m not sure what this is, but pirates apparently love it.).


Perhaps it is due to the idea of losing one sensory organ causing the others to increase in sensitivity, but the functioning eye on a pirate never requires any means of vision correction. Therefore, a pirate cannot be thwarted by means of blurry vision, but instead by depth perception. If you ever encounter a pirate and want to scare him, run towards him quickly and he can only assume that you are increasing in size at a drastic rate.

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From → Theories

3 Comments
  1. Faith permalink

    Smee, the first mate on the Jolly Roger in “Peter Pan”, wore glasses! Your theory has been debunked.

    (I just wanted to say Jolly Roger, because it sounds like Jolly Frotcher.)

  2. Christine permalink

    But wasn’t that just a cartoon. Was he based off of a real pirate? If not then Faith has not debunked anyone…..

  3. Faith permalink

    Actually it was a play and a book LONG before it was a cartoon. And long before it was a creepy movie starring a middle aged woman as Peter Pan, which completely skeeves me out!

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