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The Law of Conservation of Cleanliness

March 16, 2009

The Law of Conservation of Energy states that “Energy cannot be created or destroyed.” While partaking in some household cleaning, I’ve realized that a similar theory can applied. Hence forth, I declare the Law of Conservation of Cleanliness, which simply states “Cleanliness cannot be created or destroyed.” Much like energy in an isolated system must remain present, but may be converted from kinetic, to potential, to thermal energy, so does cleanliness in a household. To elaborate on this theory, we will need to define some variables:

Cleanliness Factor (CF) : A percentage scale defining the cleanliness of a room. A room that is 80% messy will have a CF of 20%.

Household Cleanliness Factor (HCF): Average Cleanliness Factor of Household when averaging out the Cleanliness Factors of all rooms.

The driving force behind this law is the fact that when most people clean a house, they tend to not clean, but instead shift the lack of cleanliness from one room to another. This may appear as cleaning, but the overall Household Cleanliness Factor remains unchanged, as displayed by the following formula:

HCF = (CF Room 1, CF Room 2….CF Room n) / (# of Rooms)

A three-room house with Cleanliness Factors of 50%, 60% and 70% will have a Household Cleanliness Factor of (50%+60%+70%)/3 = 60%

A popular ruse to trick vistors is to designate a specific room (e.g. attic or basement) to have a low Cleanliness Factor in an effort to allow for comparatively high Cleanliness Factor scores throughout the remainder of the household. This site may contain 90% of the household’s messiness, resulting in an extremely low Cleanliness Factor, such as 10%.

This strategy is not flawless. Without a constant effort to push the household against its natural tendency, the home will instinctively trend towards a state of Cleanliness Equilibrium.

Cleanliness Equilibrium : A state in which all rooms of a household have a consistent level of cleanliness

Rate of Cleanliness Equilibrium : The speed at which a household at approaches its Cleanliness Equilibrium when not impacted by outside forces

Every household has a natural Rate of Cleanliness Equilibrium. If action is not taken, the rooms of the household will eventually reach an equal Cleanliness Factor as time approaches infinity. This phenomenon occurs at the point when the Cleanliness Factor of each room is equal to the Household Cleanliness Factor. It is worth noting that pets and children have been known to significantly increase the rate of Cleanliness Equilibrium.

Some people have attempted to lower their Rate of Cleanliness Equilibrium by implementing an Messiness Quarantine.

Messiness Quarantine : An area where lack of cleanliness is force into a sealed box, drawer, or closet, with the intention of that quarantine never being opened again.

While this significantly slows Rate of Cleanliness Equilibrium, the boundaries are eventually broken, resulting in an outbreak in which Household Cleanliness Factor decreases at an alarming rate.

The only real way to improve the Household Cleanliness Factor of your home is to relocate the lack of cleanliness to a location outside of the home, such as a city dump. By doing so, you have shifted the isolated system model boundary from your home to the entire planet. The Law of Conservation of Cleanliness will continue to apply, but on a larger scale. This is why companies illegally dump chemicals into the ocean or ship radioactive material to third world countries. The best solution is to all of this issues is simply to throw garbage into volcanoes, which was detailed in a previous observation.


From → Theories

One Comment
  1. Will permalink

    I think you should post your “how to create a rap song” email that you sent a couple yrs ago.

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