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Have you ever had a pretzel that didn’t have too much salt on it?

June 28, 2009

Me neither.  Why do soft pretzel makers insist on coating each pretzel with salt as if they were tasked with painting it white?  It’s not the old “sell more soda with your salty popcorn” plan because the salt sits on top of, not in the pretzel.  Hence, they know that the first thing you are going to do is knock most of it onto the ground within the first 10 seconds of obtaining said snack.  Besides mitigating their risk of ice related slip-and-fall lawsuits in front of their stand, what joy do pretzel mongers get out of making every pretzel taste like a horse’s salt lick?

Sure, you have the option of a saltless pretzel, but that is about as palatable as a pizza box.  If you are wondering what a pizza box tastes like, think back to the last time you peeled that last wad of mozzarella from the bottom of the box and ended up with more cardboard than cheese.  You were past the point of no return, so you ate it anyway…and it tasted oddly like a saltless pretzel.

Years from now, when the world decides that salt is the next thing the earth needs to start conserving, we’ll all be looking cross-eyed at the pretzel salesmen that spent decades just tossing it around like Johnny Appleseed.

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From → Food

2 Comments
  1. Marc permalink

    It seems that you’re just referring to hard, or “snack” pretzels. I’ve had MANY soft pretzels with a poor application of salt. Generally, when I get the SuperPretzel microwave box, which comes with the packet of salt for all 6, I use it all up on 2.

    • Actually, I was specifically referring to soft pretzels, but I guess it wasn’t clearly implied. I’ll update it.

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