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The pricing of pizza toppings is a scam

January 19, 2010

In the rare case that you haven’t been counting, I want to point out that this is Observation #100. I’d like to thank all of the readers throughout the years, but if it wasn’t for them this page would still exist, so instead, I’m going to thank myself, for 5+ years of writing sentences with too many commas. This next topic has plagued us long enough.  It’s time for someone to step up and say something about…the ridiculous pricing models of pizza places.

First, there were signs that said “Due to the recent increase in tomato costs, we regret having to increase the prices of our pizza.” Shortly after, similar signs followed…”Due to the rising costs of dairy products…blah blah blah.” Eventually, they actually had the audacity to bring flour prices into the argument because it was basically the last ingredient left. Future explanations will likely state that your pizza costs $18 because water, yeast, or boxes that infinitely repeat “Hot! Delicious!” are approaching scarcity.

But the biggest pizza scam of them all is that meat and vegetable toppings are the same price. Think about it…if you go to a fast food place and get onions on your hamburger, they generally toss it on for free. This is because most vegetables are dirt cheap compared to meat and dairy products. When somebody orders lettuce on the their cheeseburger, most places just take it on the chin and eat the cost…but pizza places somehow have an unearned sense of entitlement when it comes to vegetable revenue.

We’ve all looked the other way when ordering 2 toppings on a pizza, paying the full topping price for each and in reality only receiving about 70% of each topping. We don’t even bother bringing up the fact that it took 45 minutes for the delivery guy to drive 2 miles away with a room-temperature pizza in their super fast, tricked-out Honda Civic covered with stickers, a giant spoiler, an excessively loud muffler, and a hood that is a different color than the rest of the car. And we’ve all kept our mouths shut when the pizza guy apathetically grabs a 3 hour-old plain slice from the glass display, sprinkles some mushrooms over the top and tosses it into the oven as if it what comes out were going to taste anywhere near what an actual fresh slice with said topping built into it would have.

Pizza places have been pulling excuses out of their puffy chef hats for years and nobody has had the courage called them out on it. I’m hoping this topic strikes up controversy like a hard-hitting John Stossel interview.


From → Food

  1. Will permalink

    Vegetables don’t have the shelf life that meat and cheese have. That affects the cost. The cheese and meats can be stored if not used in the day, but they toss the vegetables.

  2. Faith permalink

    Congratulations on 100 pointless observations! And I’m pretty sure I’ve read every single one over the years. I get very bored at work.

    You should join me in just boycotting pizza. I don’t boycott because of the price gauging, though that is also a good reason. I mostly boycott because my ass is already too big. But the pizza places don’t know that, and as far as they know, I’m boycotting because of the vegetable pricing scam.

  3. Make your own pizza! It’s significantly cheaper and more satisfying. You need to do some work, though. But at least you get to avoid the ground effected Civic..

    Congrats on 100!

  4. Rodrigo permalink

    Not only are pizza toppings a scam ($2 for a few scoops of canned mushrooms) but they ruin the pizza. The true test of a pizza is the blend of sauce and cheese and how it works with the crust. Drowning a pizza with toppings is like ordering a $20 glass of Scotch and adding Coke to it.

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